Ode to a Coward

You told me you were different.

Even got mad when I told about my previous guy.

Told me you wanted to punish him for how he treated me.

You even had a plan for this act.

I felt gratified for the protection. I felt loved.

 

Then I found out the truth- you were and are a coward. And a thief.

 

You couldn’t tell me that you didn’t want any more kids- after I had months of infertility treatments-

I only found out because you wouldn’t make love to me.

Coward.

 

You told me you were moving back to be near your kids several states away.

With or without me. I had a month to adjust.

You never told me that you had been thinking about this.

You took my choice.

Thief.

 

I moved with you. For us. Because I loved you and we were married.

We were supposed to be together. Work it out.

Husband and wife.

 

I made a home for us. We were in your place, you grew up here. I did my best.

But you didn’t make me part of your life.

I never got to know your family. Or your friends.

We went fishing alone. We went everywhere alone.

 

You didn’t give me a chance.

You wanted me to fail.

You didn’t want me to come with you.

 

You stole my choice. We never talked about anything that mattered.

 

You think you are a man.

But you are a coward.

And you are a thief.

 

**Written for an audition piece for Vox Feminista but also written because I realized that I never let the anger into my feelings for this man who had been my husband. I always found some excuse for his behavior and still thought of him as the best of my husbands but I don’t think that anymore. In many ways, he was the worst of the lot because he set high expectations and didn’t deliver on any of them.  

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