This time of year is always hard and yet loved by me. Hard because it was this weekend that Dad would haul out the Christmas decorations and the music and we would decorate the house. He loved it so much! I miss that. Loved because it reminds me to take count of the good stuff over the last year.
I have done a lot of processing over this last year. I came out as lesbian last year and have taken time to figure out what that means. It’s like I got a do-over moment in life. How many times does one get that kind of a chance? So I figured out who I want to be. Not much really changed as I liked who I was but I’m less tolerant of those who aren’t as supportive of me, who make demands of me, and who just don’t care to stay in touch with me. Some of that means that those who were once in my “inner circle” have now been moved to the “outer circle”. I’m ok with that. I’m not into playing games anymore. That does mean that those who are in that inner circle are far fewer but that’s ok too. Those who are there are solid.
Back in July’ish, I told Spirit that I was ready for my special someone. I am still working on some things but overall, ready. And Spirit moved. I needed a new ride home from rehearsals for chorus and she volunteered to take me home. She said she was driving someone else that lived nearby so it was no problem. So we started riding together. We would talk a lot and laugh. After 2 weeks, the other person wasn’t riding with us anymore so I told her that I could ride with another woman who lived close to me. She said “NO! I made a promise and I keep those!” Mind you, she lived way across town at this time. She was vehement that we stay riding together (hint #1 to me).
We talked about her life and some issues she was having with another woman who she had been involved with. She was tempted to leave the chorus; I asked her to stay. (hint #2 to me; I really didn’t want her to leave). I told her to put her feelings into the music. She did, she put them into my song “Gichigami”. She understood that piece long before anyone else.
One week we talked about the past and I mentioned some old pictures of me on my Facebook page. I was around 19-20 and they are great pictures. She said “I’ve seen those pictures.” She said it twice, the 2nd time much softer and with more meaning. I heard it. (hint #3 to me) When I got ready to leave out of the car, I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek; she froze. I felt it. (hint #4 to me) I texted her later that night and told her that I had heard what she said. I asked if it meant what I thought, she said yes.
We began to acknowledge our mutual attraction. When we went to retreat with the chorus, we decided to let our feelings and actions go and see what happened. We spent every free moment we had together. We ate together, took breaks together. We kissed.
It was the most mind blowing kiss I’ve ever had. I had been with many guys in life but this blew it all away. I felt like I had come home.
Several weeks later we spent the weekend together. And we fell all the way in love. Making love to her was more than sex. It was a combining of our souls. We are a great combo; we balance each other. Lots in common, and our differences make it interesting. Lying in her arms is amazing and peaceful.
Her name is Kendra. And she will be my wife someday soon. Yup, I’m very Thankful this year.